First Day
by KnightMysterio
Summary: A tale of the BLU Medic's first two days as a member of the team.  Will he go insane from the lunacy or will a budding friendship with Heavy help him stay grounded?   Note: Contains a female Pyro, but her gender is not treated as a major issue. Non-yaoi.


_**First Day**_

_**by Jonathan "KnightMysterio" Spires**_

_ All characters not original copyrighted to their original owners and used for non-profit amusement reasons Comments, constructive criticism, and especially compliments are not only appreciated, but encouraged. Please note that for ease of writing, I've decided not to bother with writing out the accents._

===_On a train..._===

"Dear Medic,

We are pleased with your decision to act as the team field medic for Builders League United. Your skills as a surgeon as well as your inventive medical designs will make you a valuable asset to the team. We hope you enjoy your time with the group of mercenaries you will be working with and hope that your time with BLU is successful. We are aware of your reputation in Stuttgart, Germany, for a rather distinct lack of bedside manner, as well as the illegal and quite frankly immortal experiments you performed before you came to our attention, but in this case we think your skills are appropriate for the group you are joining.

You may have noticed that we didn't use your name in this letter. We prefer that you do not, the same with all our mercenaries, as we wish to protect our assets in any way possible. Anonymity would aid greatly in that. You may also have concerns about the similarity in appearance of the mercenaries belonging to our rival company, Reliable Excavations and Demolitions. We assure you that it is all merely coincidence. As for any health/survival concerns, please talk to the group's Engineer upon arrival. It will be to your immediate benefit to do so.

With mostly sincere affection and genuine appreciation for your skills,

The Administrator"

The handsome German man adjusted his glasses, looking over the letter again and again as the world passed him by. He scowled, nervously running his hand through his short brown hair, wondering what he had gotten into. He was afraid that going to work for a group of mercenaries was a mistake...

"Ach, I can't think of that now," he said, shaking off his concern, "This is the best possible way to test my equipment."

It was the main reason he had accepted this job in the first place (aside from the promise that the charges against him for his medical experiments would vanish), acting as a field medic for a group of mercenaries that BLU had hired to contest territories co-owned by he and his brother. He had invented several pieces of revolutionary medical equipment. Tests in labs had been successful so far, but he felt that they needed field testing. When informed that the job would involve him possibly being in firefights himself, he created a weapon that fit his personal style, a rapid fire weapon that shot syringes full of fast-acting poison.

It was the last couple of lines that concerned him. Similarities between his team and the other team? Did that mean they looked alike? And what would talking to an Engineer do to alleviate his concerns about not getting killed?

He sighed, and tried to convince himself to be upbeat. This was a grand opportunity to test his medical equipment and make a name for himself. Blutarch Mann had promised to market his equipment if it was successful, so he was determined to make it happen.

A short while later, he arrived the BLU base in what he had been told was called the 2Fort location. It was a pleasantly industrial-looking base, white and blue with good places for attack and defense, with the heavy feel of a factory. He got out of the train, which left without a word. He stared at the base for a moment, trying to calm his nerves.

_This is it, _he thought, _I am in a war now._

Gulping hard and taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he adjusted his glasses, hefted his equipment, and walked towards the base. Questions buzzed through his mind. What were his teammates like? What sort of medical facilities did the base have? Would he live through the week?

As he approached the base, he met his first teammate almost right away. Sitting on a stairway, calmly eating a sandwich while resting his other arm on a massive minigun was a huge, bald mountain of a man. He was idly staring off into the distance, but Medic could tell that he was keeping an eye out for enemies, looking over in the distance at the more rustic, red tinted fortress that had to belong to the RED team.

Nervous, keeping an eye on the minigun, Medic walked up to the massive bear of a man.

"Excuse me, please," he said.

The heavy bear of a man blinked, and put aside his sandwich, raising the minigun into firing position faster than Medic would have thought possible. "Who are you? What you want?" he demanded, the Russian accent in his voice incredibly thick.

"P-Please, don't shoot!" Medic said, "I am Medic! I was assigned to your team recently! Weren't you informed?"

The massive bear of a man blinked, his face going blank for a moment, as is processing this. He then smiled, a big boisterous grin on his face as he lowered the minigun. "Oh ya! I remember now. Is good you are here, has been rough relying on only Engineer's health pack dispensers. Glad we only have to wait two weeks from formation of team to get a doctor."

Medic sighed in relief. "Yes. May I come in?"

The massive man nodded. "Ya, ya, sure. Welcome to BLU team. We now have full group of nine. Is lucky number, yes?" he said, opening the door and picking up his sandwich.

"Yes indeed," the nervous doctor said.

"I am Heavy Weapons Specialist," the massive man said as he led him inside, "But everyone just calls me Heavy. Is good name, ya? This is Sasha, my minigun. She like you, probably why I not feel need to fire on you right away."

Medic cringed inwardly. This 'Heavy' was friendly enough, but the way he referred to his gun as a person didn't give him much confidence. "The others are all inside?"

"Ya. Is lunchtime, I just felt like eating outside. I make sandviches for everyone," Heavy said. He paused, and gave the Medic a critical look. "You like sandvich, right?"

Medic frowned. "Who doesn't?" he said, honestly confused as to why it'd be an issue.

Heavy relaxed, and nodded, leading Medic down a separate corridor. "I take you to see Engineer first," he said, "It can get noisy at lunch, especially with Soldier, so it best to have yourself in Respawn device records."

Medic blinked as they came to a large garage doorway. "Respawn?"

"My own design," said a voice with a soft Southern drawl from behind Medic. "I'm guessin' you're the new team Medic?"

Medic turned, seeing a tall, well-built man in blue overalls and shirt, a well-worn in look on his friendly face. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of goggles, and a hard-hat was on his head. One hand was gloved, the hand holding a plate of sandwiches, a wrench at his belt. Medic smiled, and shook the man's free hand.

"I am Medic, yes," he said.

Engineer shook his head, chuckling. "Still don't understand why we can't use our real names with each other, Spy probably knows them all anyway. Well, for purposes of this here conversation, I'm Engineer, though most folks call me Engie. Welcome to the group."

Medic nodded. "I am wondering, what is this Respawn device?"

Engineer smiled, and opened the door to his lab. Medic walked in, seeing an impressive array of gadgets. "Mein. Gott..." he said, "Such marvels... All made by you?"

Engineer nodded, unable to resist a proud smirk. "Found me a map to Australium deposits amongst my grandpappy's old notes. I tell you, that stuff's great for devices. I can upgrade my Sentries and Dispensers just by whackin' them. Plus, it allowed me to make a Friendly Fire device to keep us from being killed by each other's guns. Does nothin' for melee, but it makes it great for Pyro to do Spychecks. Anyway, you're here about the Respawn, right?"

Medic nodded.

Engineer brought out a small device. "This thing is the reason we're all still around. It automatically collects every little bit of anyone who's died and puts them back together again, reviving them. Essentially, if you get blown to chunks..."

"And you will be, several times," Heavy muttered, "RED team very skilled, almost as much as we are."

Engineer shook his head, and continued, "...this little beauty will put you back together again."

"Remarkable," Medic said, "This device... It's practically immortality."

Engineer chuckled. "Don't I wish. Naw, it's just a way of ensuring that we don't have to be replaced when we walk into a bomb, or get tricked by a RED Spy. RED Team's Engie got themselves one as well."

Medic nodded. "Still, it's a remarkable machine. My Medigun incorporates Australium as well," he said, hefting the awkward-looking rifle forward.

Engineer blinked. "Medigun? Thought that was some kinda blunderbluss there..."

Medic shook his head. "I have poison syringe gun for attacking, plus a bonesaw I modified for melee. This is for my job, healing. It can heal burns, heal cuts and bullet wounds while forcing shrapnel out, cure poisoning... Plus I have surprise for desperate times in battle that I want to save for later." He looked around Engineer's worktable, and spotted a screwdriver. "Here, I show you."

Before either Engineer or Heavy could stop him, he took the screwdriver and impaled his hand with it. Wincing in pain as he withdrew it, Engineer cleaning it reflexively while staring at Medic incredulously, Medic then set up the Medigun so it was pointing at his hand. He pulled the trigger, a blue light emerging from the gun. To Heavy and Engineer's shock, the wound quickly vanished. Even the damaged medical glove was repaired.

"Huh," Medic said, looking at the glove, flexing his fingers to show off that it was completely healed, "Guess the adjustments I made to it before coming here worked. It can fix clothes as well as injuries now."

"Impressive," Engineer said, grinning, "You're really gonna be a big help to us in the field."

Heavy nodded. "And do not worry, doctor, I will make sure you stay alive as best as I am able."

Medic nodded. "I appreciate that, gentlemen."

As an afterthought, Engineer looked at the blood on his towel, and squeezed a drop of it into the Respawn device, which whirred for a moment and beeped.

"There," Engineer said, "You're in the Respawn now, so if you get gibbed, you'll come back alive."

Medic shook his head. "And yet strangely, I am not comforted."

Heavy chortled. "I take you to meet others now. Just to let you know, though, they are a little... eh... what is word... quirky."

Engineer chuckled, and picked up one of the sandwiches he had brought with him to the lab. "That's puttin' it mildly. I presume you'll want to run a check-up on everyone later this evening?"

Medic nodded.

"Then I'll see you then, just lemme know when," he said, "Thanks for the sandwiches, Heavy."

"Is no problem," he said, patting Engineer roughly on the back with his immense hand, nearly knocking the man over. Engineer just calmly adjusted his helmet, clearly used to it.

Heavy led Medic down the hallway they came down, taking a different branch than the one they used to go to Engineer's lab. They eventually came to a large common area, where something of a brawl was taking place.

A short, lanky young man in a ballcap and blue shirt dashed by the two of them. "'Scuse me, Tons' o Fun, runnin' for my life here!"

Heavy rolled his eyes. "Again, Scout?" he rumbled, holding Medic back for a moment. Soon after, a woman with heavy burn scars on her body, clad only in a pair of blue shorts and a tank top ran by, screaming in rage and brandishing a fire axe with intent to kill.

"What in blazes?" Medic stammered, confused.

Heavy sighed as he let the Medic come forward again. "That was two of our teammates. Young one is Scout. New York native with ego bigger than noise Sasha makes in battle. Woman was team Pyro, who has... various issues. They not like each other that much."

"No kidding," Medic muttered.

"This time not that bad," Heavy said, chuckling. "Last time, she tried to burn down Scout's room and lock him inside it. Fortunately, she forgot place has sprinkler system." Heavy led Medic over to a table near the rec room's kitchen counter, where two other members of the team were sitting. One was a black man with an eyepatch, who was casually laying back in his chair, drinking from a bottle of Scrumpy, a grenade launcher resting on the table. The other was a vest-wearing man in a cap lined with crocodile teeth. His eyes were hidden behind mirrored shades, a sniper rifle at his side as he read the newspaper.

"Guter Nachmittag, Herren ." Medic said.

The two men looked up at Medic, then at Heavy, who smiled and said, "This our new team Medic. Medic, this is our Demolitions Specialist and Sniper."

"Just call me Demoman, or Demo," the black man said, stroking his goatee as he looked the Medic over. Medic took brief note of the man's Scottish accent (and his alcohol slurred voice), and nodded in greeting.

"Pleasure, mate," the Sniper said, his voice carrying an Australian timber to it. He didn't smile, but he nodded politely in greeting, "Welcome to BLU."

Medic nodded, and sat down at the table. He set down his Medigun and syringe gun, Demoman and Sniper looking them over critically. "Never seen a doctor with guns, before," Sniper said curiously.

"One is for healing, a device of my own design. The other is for defense while I'm healing. The syringes are filled with poison."

Sniper shrugged. "Whatever swizzles your stick, I guess. Glad to have you with us, at any rate."

Demoman chuckled. "Seems you've arrived in time for the floorshow," he said, his voice slurred a little as he pointed towards a doorway.

Scout stumbled out again, on fire and thrashing about. Sniper took one look at Scout and rolled his eyes.

"HELP ME OUT HERE!" he wailed. Medic got up, grabbing his Medigun. But before he could move, Sniper, without looking up from his paper, reached into the nearby cabinet underneath the counter, pulled out a jar of yellow liquid. He effortlessly tossed it at Scout, the jar breaking over the man's head and dousing the flames.

Demoman laughed uproariously.

Scout cringed, and glared at Sniper. "Didja have to use fucking Jarate?"

Sniper shrugged, Medic staring at him incredulously. "Didn't feel like getting' up for the fire extinguisher," Sniper said.

Heavy shook his head, annoyed. "Do not store your pee jars in the kitchen, Sniper."

Sniper shrugged again, still not looking up from his paper. "Gotta store them somewhere, mate."

"Not in kitchen," Heavy rumbled, "Was not a request."

Sniper rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, I'll move them to one of the storage sheds."

Scout was muttering curses as Medic came over to him. As he was shaking urine off of him, Pyro came back into the room, a mad grin on her face, her fire axe in one hand and the cigarette lighter she had used to set him ablaze in the other hand.

"You happy now? I'm covered in frickin' kangaroo piss!"

Pyro chuckled, the horrific burn scars on the side of her otherwise lovely face making the smile she wore seem demonic. "For now..." she said, her voice raspy, and almost mannish.

Scout growled, and turned to the Medic. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I am Medic," he said, "I just joined today."

Scout grumbled. "Well, I'm fuckin' glad. I'm burned and this goddamn piss probably got it all infect with Australia germs or something..."

Medic nodded. "I doubt it, but even after I heal you with my Medigun, you should probably take a shower."

Scout nodded. "Yeah, I'm gonna... Wait, Medigun?"

Medic brought up his Medigun, a blue light emanating from it and wrapping around Scout's body. The young man felt a slight itching sensation as his burns healed up, the damage to his clothes repairing itself as well. (Although he was still damp with piss.) Everyone in the room watched, fascinated by Medic's weapon, as it healed their teammate.

Scout blinked, and grinned. "Yeah... Hey, that's kinda cool!" he said, dusting the last of the glass shards off, "Thanks doc," he said, heading off to his quarters to get a shower and a clean change of clothes.

Sniper smirked. "Interesting weapon you got there," he said.

"My own design," Medic said proudly, "I'm hoping it will revolutionize the field of military medicine. I still need to do surgery for the advanced stuff, but this can easily set otherwise critical wounds and stabilize patients that would die otherwise."

Sniper nodded, and got up to clean up the Jarate jar. "Good thing to have, then. Granted, you're gonna have to keep up with all eight of us on the field, but any medical help's a blessing."

"Aye," Demoman said, "Engineer's Dispensers aren't enough sometimes. Especially if a RED Spy or RED Demoman gets their hands on them." He smirked, and added, "Of course, last battle it didn't matter that much that much, considering how many of them blundered into traps Pyro and I set up."

Pyro grinned madly, joining Demoman at the table. "Thanks for letting me borrow your Scrumpy. Molotovs burn SO nicely," she said, almost dreamily, "And the RED Scout screams so beautifully as his flesh sizzles..."

Medic stared at her worriedly. Sniper chuckled. "As you can imagine, we quickly learned not to let her near any cooking implements. Heavy does most of the cooking."

"Still... I find her... worrysome," Medic said, looking over her multitude of burn scars. "Plus setting Scout on fire seemed excessive."

"Trust me, Medic," Sniper snorted, "You're gonna wanna kill him yourself after a week. The bloke's good at his job, same as all of us, but he's got a mouth on him louder than Demo's explosions."

"Which, of course, just inspires me to make bigger and louder ones," Demoman chortled.

"Why go for noise when you can go for flash?" Pyro said, "I know a great formula for napalm..."

Medic shook his head, turning back to Sniper as he finished cleaning up the Jarate. "Also... forgive me, but as a doctor I feel the need to mention this... Using those stupid Jarate pills of Mann Co.'s is..."

"I don't use those damn bloody pills. I'm a sniper, and sniping sometimes mean's waiting for your target. To keep from giving off a scent, I pee in a jar. I keep forgetting to dispose of it, ended up collecting a lot of jars, and got the idea to use it as a weapon one time. Saxton Hale loved the idea, and began marketing it."

"You need to lay off the coffee, Snipes," Demoman said.

"And you need to lay off the booze, mate," Sniper said, "No telling when being drunk is gonna get you blown up."

Demoman growled, taking a massive swig from his bottle. "I've lasted this long, I don't need you t'tell me what's what!"

And then he collapsed on the table, drunkenly singing Scottish hymns.

Medic blinked. "How much has he been drinking?"

"Non-stop since this morning," Sniper said. "He drinks more when there's not a mission going on."

Medic rubbed his temples, a dull throbbing starting to form. "Okay..." he said, trying to change the subject to something that wasn't going to give him a headache, "I met Engineer earlier... and in just a few short minutes understand why he eats in his lab... He mentioned something to me... What are Spychecks?"

"They are no fun at all," Pyro muttered, "The Friendly Fire device Engie made, which I vow to hunt down and destroy one day, keeps us from using our guns on each other (thankfully, fire doesn't have to come from my flamethrower, so that leaves me some options), so in battles, I occasionally just shoot a blast of flame from my thrower around the room. RED Spy, if he's cloaked or in disguise, will be set on fire, while people on our team won't be."

"This is a boon for me," said a French accented voice from apparently nowhere, "However it is offset by the fact that the RED team has something similar, leaving me vulnerable to their Pyro."

Like a ghost, a man in a blue suit and balaclava appeared. Sniper scowled as he picked up his newspaper again. "Thought I smelled a snail," he muttered. "Doc, this decidedly uncharming chap is Spy. Egomaniacal snail, this here's the team Medic. Just arrived today."

Spy looked Medic over, and snorted derisively. "Hmph. Well, you don't look like much, but that Medigun will be useful."

Medic blinked. "How long were you here?"

"For a while now," Spy said, "I wanted to get an idea of your character. I'm satisfied so far, but the battle tomorrow will decide how useful you are."

Sniper, Pyro, and Heavy looked up. Demoman tried to lift his head, but was so drunk by this point that he settled for just turning his good eye towards Spy.

Pyro laughed. "FINALLY. People I CAN burn!"

"A battle?" Medic said, "Tomorrow?"

"No rest for the wicked," Spy said, "I was over at the RED base earlier. Apparently they are getting important information on an Australium supply in Dustbowl. We need to seize it and claim both the intelligence and the Australium suppy before RED can."

Heavy chuckled. "Looks like doctor will be getting to test equipment in field sooner than expected, yes?" he said, clapping Medic on the back.

"Mein Gott..." Medic muttered, shaking his head.

Spy blinked, and said, "Oh. That reminds me. I need to warn you about..."

"I HEAR GERMAN SCUM!" bellowed a loud voice.

Spy shrugged. "Well, never mind. You will found out in a moment."

Sniper slapped himself. "Bloody hell, can't believe I forgot to mention him."

Heavy groaned. "You are not only one feeling foolish, comrade."

Medic blinked. "What's going on?"

"You're about to meet Soldier," Pyro giggled.

He got his answer quickly, as a muscular man in a blue soldier's uniform, the helmet down low enough to cover his eyes, burst in, a manic sneer on his face, a shovel in one hand. He looked around, and spotted Medic, pointing the shovel at him dramatically.

"YOU! Nazi SWINE! You dare infiltrate our base?" Soldier bellowed.

"WHAT! But I'm not..." Medic stammered.

Soldier didn't give him a chance to finish, charging the Medic with a war cry and trying to bash his brains in with the shovel, tackling him to the ground. The two of them struggled, Medic barely managing to keep the bladed scoop of the shovel from his throat.

He managed to throw Soldier off of him, Heavy moving to grab the ranting lunatic and hold him still despite his thrashing.

"DUMMKOPF!" Medic snarled, pulling out a Star of David necklace from underneath his shirt. "I'm JEWISH, you idiot! I defected when the Nazis came to power! I finished my medical degree in the United States!"

Surprisingly, the statement managed to pierce Soldier's patriotism-addled brain. "Jewish?" he said, a rare thoughtful expression on his face, "...Well, unless he's lying, he couldn't be a Nazi... Are you lying, maggot?"

"NO!" Medic snapped.

Soldier growled, although he had calmed down enough for Heavy to feel comfortable letting him go. "All right... I guess I'll have to accept that for now... But I've got my eye on you," he snarled, getting right in Medic's face. Without another word, he grabbed a couple sandwiches and stormed out.

Medic shook his head, disgusted. "What the hell is his problem?"

"He lost his entire family in Pearl Harbor. He tried to join the war," Spy said, "and didn't get accepted. He went nuts and payed his own way over there, waging a one man war and killing Nazis wherever he found them. Turns out he's actually the one who killed Hitler, the US government made up that suicide rumor because they didn't want to admit that a lunatic won the war for them. He began selling his services as a mercenary, and was the first to be hired for this little group."

"Little safety tip, mate," Sniper said, "If you like sleeping, never mention the word 'civilian' around him, even in passing."

Pyro giggled, playing with her cigarette lighter. "He left me alone once I set his pubic hair on fire."

"...All of you people disturb me," Medic muttered.

"Welcome to BLU team!" Demoman drunkenly proclaimed.

===_Later that evening..._===

Medic sat in the infirmary, having completed all the checkups for the day save Heavy's. As the big, burly man came into the office, he noticed the sour expression on his face.

"What is wrong, doctor?" Heavy said.

"...I have decided that you, the Engineer, and maybe the Sniper are the only ones I do not hate," Medic said after a moment, "Scout drinks that foul Bonk garbage and wouldn't stop talking about himself, I had to set the trash on fire to distract Pyro from setting the lab ablaze while I examined her, Soldier tried to kill me again, I'm surprised Demoman still has a functioning liver, and the Spy... urgh, that arrogant bastard..."

Heavy chuckled. "You'll get used to us, comrade doctor."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Medic grumbled.

Heavy sighed. "Is no question that teammates have issues. Even me..." he said, cradling his ever-present minigun. "Sasha... Sasha was name of my mother. It silly to think so much of weapon, but minigun protect me from so many bad situations since becoming mercenary... Is like spirit of my mother is in gun, protecting her son even in death... "

Medic quirked an eyebrow at this. Heavy gave him a serious look. "I not tell this to anyone else. Not even Spy know. And he never will know, yes?"

Medic smiled wearily. "Your secret is safe with me, my friend. But why tell me?"

Heavy shrugged. "Don't know. I just feel that you are easier to talk to than most, that you understand where I coming from."

Medic sighed, and smiled again. "I appreciate your confidence in me, Heavy. Now let's get this done. I want to get some sleep in before the battle tomorrow."

===_The next day..._===

The nine members of Team BLU, all fully dressed for battle, waited in their starting point. Soldier, in between insulting them and calling them disgraces to their family, was detailing an admittedly good strategy for sneaking in and getting the intelligence.

"Scout, you and I will take point," Soldier said, "I'll cover you and draw their fire. Sniper, you cover me as I lure people out."

"Already got a good place staked out for a starting perch, mate," Sniper said, looking out over the field with his scope.

"You just keep doin' ya tweety bird act, I'll have the intelligence home free in seconds," Scout said confidently, cocking his scattergun.

"Heavy, you're going into the sewers with the doc and Engie. Clear it out and set it up for the escape," he said. "Set it up for Spy and Pyro to go in and clear out the intelligence room in the RED base."

Pyro nodded her agreement, her excitement audible, but muffled by the full body suit and mask she now wore, which hid her gender entirely and made her sound even more mannish than usual.

Spy snorted. "That's all well and good, but the RED Engineer is no fool. He's bound to have Sentries and a Teleporter there. I can get a Sapper in, but that will reveal that I am there"

Demoman smirked, and unloaded a bomb from his chest bandolier. "Then take this," he said, handing Spy the grenade, "They'll be expecting a Sapper, not an explosion. With luck, it'll take out whoever's guarding the briefcase."

"Good thinkin,'" Engie said, nodding as he put the finishing touches on the two Sentries guarding their end of the sewer entrance.

Spy nodded, and pocketed the bomb. As they prepared to leave, Sniper said, "Something's wrong."

Everyone turned to Sniper, who shook his head, confused. "There's... There's nothing out there. Nobody. No RED Scout, no RED Heavy..."

Soldier frowned. "I don't like this..."

Scout fidgeted. "We gotta get that intelligence, though! We can't just abort."

After a moment's consideration, Soldier nodded. "Move out. Let's get to the intelligence."

They all moved according to Soldier's plan, encountering no resistance. In the end, they all met up in the RED intelligence room, where the briefcase was waiting for him.

"Something is wrong," Heavy said, "Sasha... is nervous."

"Pyro, spycheck," Soldier barked.

Worried herself, Pyro didn't argue, coating the room with flame. A few papers were set on fire (to her pleasure), but thanks to the Friendly Fire device, none of her allies were.

And no RED Spy was either, as there appeared to be none there.

Soldier frowned, aiming his bazooka all around him "I don't like this. Let's get out of here," he said.

"Don't have to tell me twice," Scout muttered, grabbing for the briefcase. But as he did, it popped open, a recorded message playing in the RED Spy's voice, so eerily similar to BLU Spy's.

"Gentlemen," RED Spy said, "If you are hearing this, then you have been fooled by the false intelligence we gave your Spy and are about to die. We shall pin you down in here, and then head into your base and destroy your Respawn, thus ending this war decisively. Goodbye. I'd say it was a pleasure, but that would imply that I liked any of you."

At which point ten level three Sentries unfolded in the hallway they just came down, the entire RED Team appearing behind the devices to watch in amusement as the BLUs all scattered out of the doorway to avoid being shot to death.

Spy cursed. "Damn it damn it damn it, it was a trap! I should have realized it!"

Soldier growled. "Put yourself down later, croissant breath, we need to think of a plan to get out of here! Engie, is the Respawn..."

Engie shook his head. "I got more traps on that thing that we got in the hallway. We only have to worry if RED Engie leaves."

Soldier snarled. "NOT GOOD ENOUGH! We need to get out of here, and fast!"

"I have an idea," Medic said, checking a setting on his Medigun.

"No offense doc," Scout said in an offensive manner, "But I don't think healing is gonna help here!"

Medic smirked. "Engie, Heavy, remember when I said I had a surprise I was saving for later?"

The two aforementioned both nodded, confused.

Medic grinned savagely, and pressed the Medigun to Heavy's back. "Time for the übermensch," he said, triggering the device.

Heavy staggered back as the energy flowed into him, surrounding himself and the Medic in a powerful blue aura. The others tried to pull him back... but to their surprise, the bullets just bounced off of Heavy's glowing form. Heavy looked down at the bullets and rockets bouncing harmlessly off of his bulky frame, and laughed.

"I AM BULLET-PROOF!" he roared, revving up Sasha and opening fire, charging down the hall with the Medic not far behind.

"Mein Gott!" RED Medic moaned, realizing what was happening, "He has an übercharger too!" He didn't say anything else, however, as bullets from Sasha vaporized his face. RED team's Medic, Soldier, Heavy, Engineer, and all of their sentries were destroyed by the invincible Heavy, the others scattering and running off to various points in the base. The RED Spy uncloaked near Medic, but his knife just broke on Medic's still invincible back, the surgeon lopping off his knife arm with his bonesaw.

The effect faded as Spy ran off, cloaking again.

BLU Spy came forward, patting Medic on the back. "Not bad, doctor. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go punish my double for tricking me," he said, cloaking and following the RED Spy's trail of blood, the only sound being the trademark clicking of his butterfly knife unfolding...

The other BLUs came forward, visibly impressed (even Pyro, who's helmet hid her face). "What the heck was that?" Scout asked, grinning widely.

"The übercharge. When I overheal someone, giving them more strength than normal, it charges up. I used it on myself before the battle, just in case we needed the charge. It gives a few seconds of invincibility with each charging."

"Sweet!" Scout said.

"All right boys," Soldier said, "Let's hunt down the rest! Time for some urban renewal!"

Cheering wildly, Scout, Soldier, Demoman and Pyro ran off after the surviving members of RED. Engineer tapped Sniper on shoulder. "I think I remember where their respawn point is. Let's get there and keep them off the backs of the others until they're done having fun."

"Works for me mate," Sniper said, following Engineer down another hall.

Heavy chuckled, hefting his machine gun. He turned to Medic, and frowned at the doctor's expression. "Something wrong, comrade?"

Medic stared down at the bodies of his RED counterpart and his allies. "...I have done... atrocious things... And yet I have never killed or been the cause of death before..." He looked up at Heavy... and was smiling. "Is it wrong? Is it wrong that I feel so... so exhilarated? That I want to cause death directly now?"

Heavy shrugged. "Is part of job. I enjoy seeing little baby men die as Sasha tears them apart. Pyro gets almost orgasmic as she burns people. And Soldier... Egh, Soldier lives in his own little world. We all enjoy killing in some way, doctor. Even comrade Engie," he said, "Does that make us bad people? Maybe... Maybe... But is war. Is not good war, but is war. We can either enjoy ourselves or be destroyed by thoughts of what we do. Is better to enjoy, I think. We live longer."

Medic frowned briefly. "I suppose that makes sense..."

"Is best not to think about it, not think about what awaits if we ever do die and stay dead. Best to live in moment, yes? Now come, doctor. Let us find little cowardly baby REDs before Demoman and Pyro slaughter them all."

Medic looked down at his counterpart for a moment... and looked up again, smiling. "Lead the way, my large friend. I'll make sure you stay alive the whole time."

_**THE END**_


End file.
